I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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