So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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