I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
