His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
