and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
