why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Randomize