So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
