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You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
