Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
