you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
