JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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