you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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