Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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