Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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