he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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