you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Randomize