a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
