She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
