it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
My cat gives me a boner
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Randomize
