Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
