I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
