I am in a vortex of obligation.
and she was petting her beer can
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
