perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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