The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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