I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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