I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
