The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
