He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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