At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
