He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize