toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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