I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
