So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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