so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
