were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
