Buhtt sex?
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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