i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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