So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
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