I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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