Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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