I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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