Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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