just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
This show inspires me to have sex in space
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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