Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Less talking, more tequila
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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