I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
