Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Randomize
