Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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