I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
