The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
