That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
