this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
