i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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