So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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