So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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