Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
