well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
