They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
