billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
