god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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