ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
