I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
