I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize