Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
