I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
