if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
He passed out mid-signature
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize
