I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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