I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
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