Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
