pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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