i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
