btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize