Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize
