Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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