Cold hands, warm shart.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
