no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
