U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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