And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
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