dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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