The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
