i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
