im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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