oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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