my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize