All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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