my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
