it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
