my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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