In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize