he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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