"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
YAS. BRING CRAB.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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