My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Pants are for mortals
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
