all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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