I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
sarcasm needs its own font
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
