I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Randomize
