So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
