Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
